People want to do business with people they know, like, and trust. I learned this business lesson in boot camp at the early age of 20 when I enlisted in the US Navy. It was also further demonstrated to me when I went to Officer Candidate School to become a Naval Officer.
Do They Know You?
After the first couple of weeks of boot camp my Recruit Division Commander (RDC) was searching for recruits to be on his staff. He did not know me, but he looked at the run times and noticed my name as the 2nd fastest in the division of 80. My friend told me this story. The RDC said, “who is Wilson?” My friend recalls seeing me across the way with a white tee-shirt on and saying, “that is Wilson over there.” The RDC said, “Wilson, that fat kid!”. My friend laughed hysterically, and I laughed as well when he told me the story. I had put on some weight before entering boot camp, but I was still fast from running track in high school.
Now that the staff knew who I was they offered me a job as the dental yeoman since the athletic director was reserved for the fastest kid. Dental yeoman was a good gig though. I got to go to the dental clinic by myself without having to march in formation with everyone else and I also got to eat by myself without the standard 12-minute time limit. If you were at the end of the line, you got even less than 12 minutes because the clock started from the first person. I also got meritoriously advanced from E-1 to E-2 upon graduation.
My friend was promoted to starboard watch officer early on in boot camp which meant he got to make the watch bill. Every night there would be 2 people on guard duty in 2-hour shifts. If your shift was from midnight to 2am then you were in for a rough day. I learned quickly that it pays to be friends with the starboard watch officer. He never really gave me watch unless someone complained and then he would give me an easy watch—relationships matter.
Do They Like You?
Liking is subjective that is why there are menus—not everyone likes the same things. To be liked you must be yourself. Not everyone will like you and that should not be the goal, but it is important if you want to be in business. You would not want to pretend to be someone you are not because people will figure it out and then they might not trust you.
There were other times in the Navy when I was liked, and it got me further ahead. Mistakes can be overlooked easily if someone likes you and favors can be asked. When I was up for my plane captain board in front of 3 Naval Officer Pilots, I was nervous, but I was still being myself. I was trying to answer a question about what signal I would give to the pilot for braking, and I put my hands over my head with both fists side by side and made a sound effect. The pilot started laughing and said he did not know the plane had air brakes. They passed me even though I did not do so well, and he also let me fly the plane once on a cross-country trip from San Diego to Norfolk. He told me that he liked me, so he was able to pull favors for me—I was not initially allowed to fly back with him, but he outranked the person telling me I could not go.
There were other times where I was not liked and that affected me negatively. One of my supervisors did not like me or the way I talked to some of the people ranked above me, so they gave me a low evaluation. I was furious at the time because the people they ranked above me did not even have half the qualifications I had. I realize now that it had nothing to do with work or qualifications but had everything to do with being liked.
Do They Trust You?
People buy from people they trust, and it goes beyond just being known or being liked. Being consistent and congruent are ways to build trust. Also having clarity when you communicate while making a compelling case are ways to build trust. You need to do what you say you are going to do and consistently show up for people. No one wants to have to trust someone that does not do what they say they are going to do half the time.
After I finished my enlistment, I went to college for 4 years and re-entered the Navy as an Officer. I found myself again in boot camp but this time it was called Officer Candidate School (OCS). One of my suitemates ended up being the watch officer during our last phase of OCS where the outgoing class trains the incoming class. We were good friends, and we built a trust factor because the shared bathroom had to be spotless for inspections. When he wrote the watch bill, he did not give me any bad duty. Most of the time he would put me and him down for duty driver and navigator and we would just drive people to different appointments all day in the duty van. We had so much fun we even added another friend to the watch bill and named him the bombardier to sit in the back of the van—a useless but highly entertaining position we made up.
Conclusion
I learned a lot about relationships in the military and how they affect your outcomes. In this article I wrote mostly about small favors of my friends who wrote the watch bills, but I think you can see how powerful connections like those can be on a larger scale. The experiences translate. If you want to do a deal, would it not be beneficial if the person offering the deal knew, liked, and trusted you? You would certainly get favor over someone the offeror did not like. Money does matter but I think you will find relationships sometimes matter more.
